I'd have to be optimistic^_^
I don't ever have any regrets. Everything happens for a reason. I will say that there were a few things I wish I hadn't said or done that put me in some predicaments early in the year. But I can say that I learned from those mistakes and have moved on. Looking forward to ringing in the new year. Happy New Year!!!!!
17 лет - идеальное время для того, чтобы умереть. Когда уходит эта "няшность", тебе уже никто не рад. А потом - начинается день изо дня рутина, сидение в офисе зря с 9-ти до 6-ти, дорога домой, ужин, общение в аське и сон. Это - не то, к чему я стремлюсь.
В том, который сейчас - 20 лет...
Позже стану дряхлеть, а моложе - слишком юн...
People say NEVER REGRET, i get it, but its CHOICES and sometimes you wish you would have done different, maybe took a CHANCE, but hey if you are lucky enough not to have any, AWESOME! but it's HUMAN to do so ;p I will never forget an ex friend and i were speaking about life and all and asked if i regret anything that year and i had a few things, and he went on about NEVER REGRETTING ANYTHING!, I tested him and asked well do you remember "this" and "that" and he just told me "shut up" in a silly way, GOTCHA!! Regrets are HUMAN! It's a BAD CHOICE, you LEARN from them. ;p
И не потому, что подарки это традиция, а потому что через какую-то приятную вещь люди зачастую могут выразить больше чувств чем словами*
с новым годом, ребят*
I'm home :D
My three-day stay at grans' was not that productive. I've managed to write only one poem and two incomplete short stories.
Our English teachers made us create a book cover for a collection of poems. The said poems are fictional; they do not exist. But being the writer that I am, I named it after one of my works: Timeworn Sentiments. You can even read the poem here. Now, I've decided to make Timeworn Sentiments a collection of poems, for real.
Click the lj-cut to read the new poem under Timeworn Sentiments.
On the "realistic" side of my world, I have sent to my Computer teacher my Mastery Exam which is a .rar file consisting of several HTML files. I'm just glad it's over :3
Если эта возможность выпадет только мне одной из всех моих родных и близких, то не хочу. А если и моим любимым людям, то я бы осталась в теперешнем своем возрасте, а остальные пусть сами выбирают. Например деткам еще стоило бы повзрослеть и тогда размышлять. Ну как-то так...
But lately, that's a difficult question.
I haven't been depressed. I haven't felt hopeless, or even lost. I'm just sort of logically reaching a "what's the point?" type conclusion. I still enjoy what I do, and I still like most people, and I'm not without direction. I'm really uncertain as to *what* exactly the problem is. I suppose that's because there isn't one.
Questions I have been pondering:
- Why do all the foreign men that visit my store hit on me?
A: I am overly-friendly because as a gay girl, I knocked down the nearly-obligatory striaght!girl "I'm not interested" wall, but gaydar is such a cultural thing that the foreign men just see a very friendly barista and assume I'm interested. -_-
- Is it more important to teach a child good ideals/values, or help them be well-adjusted to the world? How contradictory can these be? To what extent can these goals overlap?
- What is likely to bring me more peace in life - the job route that I find rewarding, or a life that invests in things like growing a garden and yoga? Could I ever be happy with only the latter to stimulate me? Could I ever be healthy with the former?
- How can I make sure I don't mess up the emotional balance with the girl I'm casually with such that neither of us gets too invested and we stay equal and casual?
- Are all relationships doomed to the issues I've had by nature of people's messed-up-ness? Can I find someone that can keep up with me? Is that question all ego, or am I actually higher functioning than everyone I've ever dated, the way I'm fairly certain I am? If it's ego, how can I find out? If it's not, how do I verify the person I'm dating or may date can keep up? Is it wrong to even want that, or should I be okay with someone who isn't if I care about them enough? Are my frustrations just a sign that I don't love them enough? If I were currently dating the one I feel was my "truest love" or whatever you want to call them, would I have the same frustrations? Does the fact that I doubt it mean I shouldn't have dated the others I have? How does the fact that I identify primarily monogamously change that, if at all?
- Where does all the time go? Am I just trying to do too much, or is this week truly as fast-moving and unproductive-despite-busy-ness as it feels to me?
I have no new years' plans. I do have tomorrow night off of work, but I think it's just going to be board games at home night. Or maybe homework. I dunno.
Есть фильм: "Куда приводят мечты", так вот там очень четко показанно, что даже имея бессмертие и находясь в самом желанном месте, о котором только можно мечтать, ты чувствуешь себя неполноценным и не представляешь дальнейшую жизнь, без того человека, ради которого ты готов изменить Рай на Ад.
Желать бессмертия можно только тогда, котгда понимаешь, что ты можешь реально что-то изменить, своим существованием, жизнь других людей и только в лучшую сторону.
i should put this before that last statement.you would believe me more then. I lie a lot when it suits me. I am a narcissist and am quite selfish. I don't care about other people and use them always. just ask my fammily they will embelish it to make you run screaming. i randomly make stuff up like this. i am always bored even while sleeping i don't have insomnia. i lotion my hands a lot for no reason. i love coffee. addicting body dissolving substance that it is.
i have no idea what my worst nightmare is. it could be a horrible death(not just death its not the same)the fear before dying extreme pain a room full of annoying shrinks grr. falling the sensation of it(not heights though I sit on the 40 ft roof of my dorm all day. everything turning to just white(not black though these are some of my favorite colors) me being the last person on earth being helpless in an attack. any natural disasters emptiness no exceptions. most of them are before death and sensations that are annoying( any scritchy-scratchy sound.) and emptiness i'd like to live this life forever but not stuck in it. and change it to any degree. suffocation and drowning are pain before death. I have this nightmare about driving in a car down a corkscrew highway(memory from me as a 4 year old real though) the falling off and drowning but getting eaten by sharks while drowning. i like sharks though. the sharks aren't bad though. its just the pain.
2:07am 31st december i really hate pain. if you are reading this still thank you for reading through all that( yep pessimistic hands back to cynical sarcasm) i appreciate it.if you just skipped then whatever *dismissive of your existence*. this is hopefully the end i still love cheescake and my left hand hurts. 2:11am posting
Seems awfully silly to have em, don't you think? Fine. I wish I had gotten that pink pearl number when I had the chance. I wish I hadn't trust Peggy with my emerald necklace.
Wish I had gone brunette like I was thinkin. Oh well, maybe next year.
i wish i could be more optimistic at times, but in all honesty, sometimes i feel that it's okay to be this way, as i feel i'm being more realistic about certain situations at hand. i don't like overly optimistic people--i see them as ignorant (no offence), but each to their own i guess.
I don't know. I do know that within our culture there's a sort of false sense of inevitable progress, compounded by technological fixation. But progress is only one of many possible futures -- and there are so many different types of progress. There's also many types of regression, of backslide, which are are potentialities, but which are also very much present in our current realities as dominant ideologies, twisted economic systems (and by extension, distribution of wealth), and social structures.
Well. I am a pessimist, I think. I think a lot has been commodified in this world -- so much, in fact, that it's hard to pinpoint, to isolate, and to discuss just because of sheer overlap. Sex is a commodity. Education is a commodity. With commodity comes entitlement and it's extremely hard to escape that way of thought i.e. I've encountered so many students that look at university education as a transaction, which is upsetting not only because of its simplicity but because that is exactly how we are supposed to think. I mean, no one is actively and loudly reinforcing this type of ordering -- that's precisely what makes it so scary. It's not questioned. It's taken as is. And it's absolutely a by-product of capitalism: I paid the $500/$1000, therefore my passing this course is ensured.
At the same time, capitalism does function (albeit very poorly). It is a miracle that I live in Canada; I can't believe how much I lucked out. And that's the other thing, too -- deeply entrenched socio-economic structures breed entitlement. Because we've had it so good for so long, it's extraordinarily easy to look at others (the poor) and search for defects, when the fact of that matter is that it's not individual defectiveness but cultural defectiveness. In economics, countries with a low GNP like Burundi or the Congo are classified as "idle." They do not participate in a market economy; there is no exchange of goods. The problem is that countries like Burundi function on an almost %100 agricultural, subsistence-based economy. They transfer goods with neighbors or at farmer's markets for other goods. Because there are few 9 to 5 office jobs, and because these countries are awash in poverty and corruption -- but are rich in natural resources -- most everything has to be grown and made by hand, not mass-produced. The hours and manual labor it takes to necessitate that this happens (i.e. that the crops are harvested, that water can be found, that children are fed and clothed -- most of which is done by women) are incredible -- think 16 hour days, 7 days a week. These are clearly not "idle" countries.
This really got off track. It's 2:30 in the morning.
It was half full then we poured another round and another. The room began to spin and woke up naked, with an empty glass and "WANKER!" and "SCRUBBER!" and "I SUCK CYBERCOCK!" written on my face. Last I get drunk with Bernand, Withnail and the Doctor. It was excellent Gin though.
Возможности сделать тело бессмертным не будет никогда, тем более для него требуется очень узкий диапазон температур и наличия биосферы - которая неизбежно исчезнет - по тысяче причин.
I tend to be a pessimist... saying that, I've had a lot of shit happen to me over the last 6 or so years which has made it hard not to be...
This last year, when it ticked over to 2011, I said to myself - I'm going to see the best in everything... everything happens for a reason, positive attitude will help with everything. Then, as if trying to mock me, more shit happened... some good of course, but it didn't start well with me getting a skin cancer scare. A mole that was removed from my chest, an area that rarely if ever gets sun, and a mole that has been there for years... not the mole that popped up 18 months prior... but the one that had been there forever.
When they came back to my with the diagnosis, I thought, well I didn't hear anything back so I suppose that's a good thing. When I got in the nurse said that the doctor needs to talk to me about it, but it's nothing to worry about anymore. It was a mole, that if it wasn't removed when it was, it would have turned to melanoma... now, not the normal skin cancer that's more common when they remove moles... full blown melanoma... I don't know about you but that's fucking scary!
I kept my thoughts high, even after that point... and time after time I'd be let down... so I attempted and I'm still attempting to see the best in people, in the things that are happening... but Jesus, there's a point where you just snap and burn someones house down... or maybe that's just me...
Happy New Years Eve everyone! <3
Старые слова "ах, если бы молодость знала, ах, если бы старость могла" стали бы менее понятными, поскольку опыт, знания, умения накапливаются, а все физические привилегии юности остаются. Чем плохо?
Предполагаю, что может наступить момент, когда быть бессмертным наскучит или станет невыносимо (ведь даже сейчас многие мечтают отправиться на тот свет по тем или иным причинам). Но все же.. Все же мир меняется, а время лечит. Так мне кажется.
1) I regret buying Ingo and Emmet both as the same time, as it was likely my mistake that cost Ingo his life. :(
2) I regret spending so much time sulking and being so mood-swingy.
3) I wish I had said something to that cute guy who sat next to me again in Life Science.
4) I wish I had gotten more writing/art done this year.
5) I wish I hadn't spent as much as I did.
Lots of life went under the bridge this year and I did the very best I could, so no regrets.
Но так, чтоб без похмелья...
Кроме того в понятии человек звучит ВЕК. Наша натура так устроенна, что вам надоест жить лет через 200 несмотря дажа на юное здоровье.
Друг - нужен! Один и верный. Предательство убивает дружбу. Отрицание дружбы - самодостаточность присуща скорее старой деве или космонавту на Марсе... Хотя в экипаже может быть друг... Значит только деве...
Sure, there are things I would do differently, as I'm learning more about my teaching most every day, but this has been a year of blessings. I am a lucky being.
Если вы вошли в афонский монастырь и вдруг видите кучку паломников - греков, которые стопились у стены и что-то оживленно обсуждают, то не сомневайтесь: они обсуждают фразу «Если сможешь умереть прежде своей смерти, то не умрешь, когда будешь умирать», написанную на стене архондарика.
Не уходите! Последите за ними. Это обсуждение может продолжаться несколько часов... Дело в том, что в этой фразе всего одно слово: пефанис - умереть.
Интересно, что пефанис - это древняя форма перфекта, которая может обозначать различные временные отрезки. В этом вся изюминка и красота высказывания
Напрмер, одно из значение перфекта, о котором забывают перводчики: «начало действия, которое уже не кончается». Это мы подсказываем значение первого слова фразы. А дальше думайте сами...
Чтобы не умереть обманутым, прежде всего пойми, как тебя обманывает мир. Мир постоянно призывает: «Иди к людям!» Мы идем к людям, но они умирают, а когда люди идут к нам – умираем мы. Если сможешь умереть прежде своей смерти, то не умрешь, когда будешь умирать.
Потому, что уже и не молодой, но ещё и не старый :)